Famous crap

The Matrix
Bauhaus (the band, not the art movement)
Sandra Bullock
Basketball

Relax mon it'll be OK dude yeah sound man in a bit fella

I sit in my chair, and I'm quite relaxed but then I start to feel a little strange. I look around - nothing. I knew there wouldn't be anything weird between these walls; there's hardly anything in this room. It's a bit damp, in fact it has been for while. Months. I can't be bothered to clean up. As I see it, there's no reason to clean up - I'm not having any guests round for tea or anything. Guests suck. Guests suck the life out of you.

I hate fake enthusiasm. I hate it, no I loathe it, when you tell someone what isn't happening in your life right now and they behave as if you've swum the channel in a wheelchair. They're being pathetic about you being pathetic. This combination is very much, definitely, certified pathetic.

Cuts don't heal. Nine times out of ten, stuff doesn't get better. The dead don't rise. Your mum won't always be around and you know it. Still, at least the footy's on. Rock and ruddy roll!

I've sat in some shit. I'm not planning to clean it off for a while. Be right back. Check ya l8r bro x

Switch

When does it stop? It doesn't.
Why did it start? You made it.
How much longer will it go on for? Until you make it stop.
How do I make it stop? Apparently you can't.

Will my face ever look any different? No chance.
What if I have plastic surgery? You'll always know that you were born an ugly little twat.
Why do I keep having nosebleeds? Because you're a right weak cunt.
At least that's better than being a right tit? You'll never touch anyone's tit.

What purpose do you serve? I'm here to help you.
How do you help me? I don't, but do you?
Who are you in with? You.
How the devil am I? Finished matey boy.

Toot toot

I not likey you.
I not likey the looky of your facegg.
Shut it up you.
Bad bad bad.
No shut up 'til bad man gone.
Not bad man, bad woman!]
Bad woman everywhere, in sexface that is bad disguise of devilheadz.
No, no, no, you don't live here and it die die die.
Bobbins.
Finey fino fintah fick fick fuck.

Baba Johnson - Loopy La-La Ting

Um mow mow, um mow, mow mow
Lah sah lah sah ma ma
Dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick
Boom boom banger bosh brick
Sela bum bum sela bum bum

Lega lega lega lega-hay!
Loopa loopah, loopah loopah
Dogface.

Pop goes the weasel

It will happen. At least, it could potentially happen. Just because you couldn't sort it out doesn't mean I can't. Why do you do this? You make me feel like a right weird cunt. You isolate me. You deserve yourself, and yourself for eternity at that. Imagine that? Now you're sorry. Imagine yourself, forever. Fuck that. You're rubbish.

If no one comes, it wasn't a success. After the event you can reason to yourself and others that it was important, but you'll know that it wasn't. All your strength, minor though it is, went into this thing and where did it get you? Even further down the road of disappointment, that's where.

Everybody knows you will never finish the 'project'. Nobody cares about the 'pipeline'. Nothing matters as far as you're concerned. But it must do, somewhere in that tiny brain of yours. You're having a lot of 'interesting ideas'. Bullshit.

Where will we go if we can't remain here? Even though it's a bit crap, I have to state that I actually like it in a certain way. Must we move? Make a window and jump through it. Carcass ahoy.

Potential

I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it, gyal like to... move it.

Being a cunt is the in thing, it must be.

One more time, we gotta celebrate, oh yeah, alright, don't stop the dancing.

I shouldn't wish for bad things to happen to people but I do, all the time.

Oops, I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game, oh baby baby.

There are fewer and fewer people I actually like. Almost everyone's a 'proper, proper daft twat'.

Another heart doesn't stay sad long, that's the way love is, that's the way love is.

It gets harder and harder to have a conversation, everyone's 'alternative' nowadays which means everyone thinks they 'understand'. Everyone 'hates' those who conform, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn...

This is what is sounds like... when cunts talk.

Peace on earth to all my children x

Virus

Going out is a Trojan horse.
It makes you weak.
All the 'networking' that 'occurs' is of no value as everyone is inebriated, which means:
A) they won't have meant what they said
&
B) they will forget the things that they didn't mean in the first place.
The best thing to do is just stay inside.
Forget the outside world exists.
It has nothing to offer you.
The things that you might find will only disappoint you.

Going out is a Trojan horse.
Most of the time you spend 'being outside' will be spent doing the following: feeling awkward, wishing you were somewhere else, avoiding people you would rather not encounter, seeing and hearing things you don't like, and generally trying but failing to be the socially successful person you planned to become while you were doing your hair in front of your mirror.

Going out is a Trojan horse.
All of the best people stay in.
Become one of the elite.
Stay indoors at all times.
It's just better that way.
You're just better off that way.

Wind In The Willows

In the real life chain of events, Rat and Mole do not go on a boat ride.

What really happens is this: Rat initiates Mole's sexual awakening by politely but firmly 'suggesting' (with gun pointed to confused animal cranium) that Mole should suck him off.

Mole knows no better, as he has spent his entire life underground. He doesn't even have a TV. Imagine that? Fucking ridiculous. He has to get Badger to tape Big Brother for him.

Eventually, Mole becomes a 'muscle Mary' and outgrows Rat on the gay scene. This is far too much for the possessive Rat to bear, and at night he sits in his boat wondering how the hell Mole could be so audacious as to 'outgrow' him (that's the word the relationship councilor used anyway).

Mole is a bastard for being disloyal to Rat, his master and sole guiding light.